My trip to B&Q

There is something about the showroom sections of DIY stores like B&Q and Homebase that make me feel excited about visiting. I class them as the adult playground, the chance to try out the beds, lift the lids on the toilets and clamber in all the shiny new baths. However I don’t think Joe shares my childish excitement, as we found out during a visit to one of the ‘playgrounds’.

Joe is getting a new kitchen and bathroom, and like the supportive girlfriend I am I offered to go along and help him chose. I think the word help would be used very loosely, as I would bet that I was actually more of a hindrance!

On the first of these visits I pottered into one of the fake bathrooms, and decided to sit of the edge of the sturdy looking bath to take in the surroundings. I soon realised that the bath was not as sturdy as it looked when the side cracked, and I beat a hasty retreat with a red faced Joe close behind.

After a lecture about not sitting on anymore of the furniture wandered into a few walk in showers and lifted the lids on a couple of toilets. When the noise of me crashing down the lids and slamming shower doors reached levels that were too high in a quiet almost empty showroom I was confined to looking from a distance.

I entered the showroom on our second (and final visit) with instructions not to sit on anything. This time we were in the aisle where the flatpacks were kept. I think too long spent looking for the right pieces had affected Joe’s common sense, as he allowed me to go and fetch the big trolley to put it all on - not a wise move.

He was alerted to my presence but the sounds of me crashing it into a stone fireplace, though I still maintain there was a wonky wheel! After a few more incidents like this I was demoted from ‘the person who pushes the trolley’, to ‘the person who walks behind not touching anything’. A role that was nowhere near as fun as my previous role.

Apart from me dropping a heavy pack on my finger as we attempted to load up the car the rest of the trip passed fairly smoothly.

Though I do think my help will no longer be required in the DIY work, and I may just be banned from B&Q in Cheltenham.